Call Me “Tom” Kirk kingofduckburg at
Thu Dec 4 04:52:06 CET 2003

First of all to Dan Shane, THANK YOU for the link to this fascinating 
interview!  I would have never guessed that the star of Merlin Jones was so 
articulate!  Scrambled egghead Tommy Kirk is not!  I must admit that I was 
really depressed after reading the interview, though.  I guess the bright side 
is that Kirk must have rebounded a bit from crippling depression and 
homelessness—he gave commentary on the Old Yeller DVD, anyway.  I know all of 
my problems would be solved if could be on the Old Yeller audio commentary (my 
tongue is sort of in my cheek).

To L. Schulte, I’m not sure it’s fair to label Kirk a bad actor because he was 
in such an endless array of terrible, terrible movies.  Could Marlon Brando 
have saved Mars Needs Women, Bon Voyage, or The Catalina Caper?  Would Jack 
Nicholson have brought credibility to the character of Merlin Jones?  I would 
credit much of Old Yeller’s success to Kirk’s moving performance.  I like to 
think (and maybe I’m being too optimistic) that Kirk could have been better if 
he had been given better material.

And to Fabio, I am a wearied survivor of Mars Needs Women, and I would not wish 
the viewing experience on anyone.  NOTHING saves the film—not the beautiful 
women Tommy Kirk and his space comrades are trying to purloin, not the 
cosmically bad acting and writing, and certainly not the appearance of poor 
tired Tommy Kirk.  I can really get into some ridiculously bad movies, but I 
found Mars Needs Women excruciating.  Once you’ve heard Tommy/Tom say, “Mars 
needs women,” the thrill of the film is gone!

Matt Needs Sleep

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