DDA 31, etc.

[DAVID.A.GERSTEIN]

      Hi, folks.

      Since I always want to get criticism and thoughts about my work 
when it's published, I thought I'd mention here that the translated 
Dutch story, titled "A Car-Gone Conclusion," in DDA 31 (a Ben 
Verhagen tale about DD trying to sell used cars in the desert for 
Scrooge) was my translation and dialogue.  Translated from a German 
edition way back in 1991, which shows just how long some things can 
stay on the shelf.  And after all this time... I didn't get credited 
in the issue, which is kind of disappointing.  (On the other hand, 
Oberon didn't tell Gladstone who wrote the original script, so there 
wasn't a credit there either.)

      Disney changed a few lines:
      "Imagine that coon-tail fluttering in the gentle zephyrs!" -->  
"Imagine taking a Sunday drive in it!  You'll turn every head on the 
range, man AND beast!"  Animal rights issue here?  At least the new 
line is good.
      "Why, you BRATS!  I'll peel you like onions!" -->  "That does 
it!  I've had enough of your insults!"  Disney doesn't like it when 
anyone but Van Horn gives DD his temper.  What do I say?  "Doggone 
yuh!  Wak, wak wak wak waaaak wak!"
      "I'm long past the age for courting college boys... or hadn't you 
noticed?" -->  "I'm long past the age for driving souped-up 
hot-rods!"  I guess Disney didn't like even the image of this old 
crone desiring a 21-year-old boyfriend.  Again, the new line is 
pretty good here.
      "Even I can sell anything with my MIND on the job -- and my 
foot on the gas!" -->  "Then, with my profits, I'm off for a long 
vacation!"  Yep, the last LINE of the story was changed and the gag 
REMOVED.  The story just sort of ends now.  It doesn't end with a 
bang.  Why this was done eludes me, although the new line's not bad.

      Gladstone's letterer LEFT OUT a balloon for Donald on the last 
page, and it's very obvious (there's a huge open white space where it 
should have been).  DD is supposed to be saying, "You remember our 
deal!  I get the deed to the shop, AND the other cars!"  As it 
stands, when Donald talks of "pay" in the previous panel, it sounds 
like what he wants is money!  (Particularly when he's brought in bill 
collectors to make sure he gets what he wants.)  In fact, in the 
original story U$ promised DD a $1000 bonus (!) for selling ALL the 
cars -- never thinking he'd have to pay it -- but I just didn't think 
Scrooge could make such a foolish move.

      In retrospect, I think that this (and "A Case of Too Much 
Money," which cooincidentally was also just published, not to mention 
the Lentil story) is another one where I was a bit too wordy here and 
there.  Refreshing myself with some Barks, I'm dazed by how few words 
he used to build a wonderful flavor and feel.  He had a way of 
telling stories that was simple, yet full of great wordplay and 
richly enrapturing.  I sometimes run off at the mouth (in my stories, 
I mean, although also in the Digest!) by contrast.  ;-)

      I still fondly remember the night in February 1991 when, in my 
junior year of high school, I was sitting at my parents' kitchen 
table, crunching on some cereal while scripting the panel where DD says 
that one auto "leaves everything behind" just as its rear bumper falls 
off.  It's sure a lot of fun to do these things, even if the end 
product doesn't always reflect the original vision exactly.  Despite 
every indignity that Disney can inflict, I think everyone on this 
list who writes stories -- or has wanted to write them -- agrees that 
this sense of FUN, pure and simple, is most important when writing 
Disney comics.

      MARK:  Did you get my letter?  I still need your address, my 
friend, to heave a big pile of British weeklies your way.  Maybe my 
letter wasn't sent, due to problems with my E-Mail system yesterday?

      EVERYONE:  In regards to a new story, let me ask:  Do the lines 
"We'll sit and talk/and watch a hawk/Turning lazy circles in the sky" 
belong to the song "Oklahoma" or the song "Spring Is Busting Out All 
Over"?  And are both of these songs from the musical "Oklahoma", or 
is the latter one from somewhere else?

      Back tomorrow, gang.

      David Gerstein
      <9475609 at arran.sms.ed.ac.uk>